a need to write

I am not romantic in the normal sense. I identify more with characters who have loved and lost, because I thought I had loved and lost. Until recently the only person I ever truly loved was on a long term committed relationship. For over four years he he has haunted my daily thoughts and even been in my dreams. Dreams that seemed so real it left me emotionally drained. As a wiccian I believe in the possibility of astro-projection and of two souls with a deep enough connection seeking each other out in the dream realm. In the last dream I had about my lost love there was a door. I knew if I walked through it the dreams would end and I would get closure. I opened the door and took a step but on the dream he grabbed me and pulled me to.him. then whispered in my ear he would never let me go. Not even two days later I got a text from a number I didn't know.....it was him saying his girlfriend had kicked him out and wanting to know how I was. Seeing his name took my breath away and made my heart skip a beat. It made me think that maybe he loves me too. The only problem is my live in boyfriend. He and I aren't meant to be but I hate hurting people. I care about him but it isn't love. He is to controlling and demanding for my free spirit and we clash a lot. I don't think he even trusts me. I don't think you van have love without trust. I'm at a loss for what to do. I need to reach out and take a chance but I am afraid. I know I want to be free I just am having problems taking the first step.