One of these days....

I am going to learn to think before I speak.....until them I am going to wait for it all to blow over. It always does.....

Don't make me your grocery shopper

I am a vegetarian, alone I would starve. I don't know how to tell what vegetables and fruits are ready to eat or which ones need a little more time to ripen. I can do bananas because I always buy green because I eat them slow, so by the time they are starting to brown I only have one or two left and I can eat them before they are bad.

is about the only thing I can pick out though.

I usually go through vegetable bins trying to find the one that doesn't have any brown spots or cuts and bruises. This dose not always work in my favor. My boyfriend has tried to teach me but after months of trying we have decided it is a lost cause.

One time he sent me for pork chops. He eats meat on occasion. FYI pork cut dose not mean pork chop. I ended up buying a cheap piece of meat that he ate with out complaining but told me it was most defiantly not a pork chop. In my defense who would send a vegetarian for pork chops?? I can't even cook hot dogs....

I will probably never be able to successfully grocery shop on my own, but it is funner to have someone to talk too so I don't think that is such a bad thing.

Nothing to rant about

It is odd, i think this is my first entry that isn't bitching or complaining about something. I really have nothing to complain about. Things are going great now that I have no roommate but my boyfriend. No drama either since now we can't talk to half our friend and the ones left are pretty drama free. Maybe I should have thought about taking a knife to my social life sooner. Less friends = less stress = happier me.

I used to love summer vacation, now I feel it drains me. I sleep all day, get up, maybe eat maybe not, go to work, come home maybe a watch a movie or play online then go to bed only to repeat this boring cycle the next day. I need motivation to get out of bed and be productive. I try telling my self you ARE going to do this today. Rarely does it happen. Most the time I just force myself to go back to bed for awhile longer. I need a coach to come make me get up and do stuff and maybe help me be healthier. Hey maybe Jillian Micheals can come to my house for her new show, that would be cool. I did one of her work out dvds for a couple weeks. It was fun but I never stick with anything for long. I am told it is a Gemini thing that I have a short attention span.

I am not really feeling well, haven't been for a few days. I am dizzy and queasy and I keep getting tension headaches. Which is odd because I usually get migraines. I think I need one of those fore mentioned friends to come pop my upper back like she frequently did, but alas I can't talk to her. I am hoping I am just sick and that there isn't a bun in my oven. Now that would suck. I would be on of the few birth control doesn't work for. That is usually how my luck goes. I am always the odd ball who has the one in a million chance thing happen to her.

I haven't decided yet how I feel about school. In a scene I am ready to go back becasue I will have something to do. My online summer class starts June 7th maybe that will help motivate me. For the first time in my college career I am not looking forward to my journalism class because SHE will be there. The girl who tried to steal my man (I won, not that it was really competition). She actually thinks we can still be friends, she was like I should have told you what was happening. Um hello you could have told me and I still would have been mad at you. She moves to fast and expected to much and it really doesn't surprise me that our friendship only lasted a short time. Becoming a BFF takes time you can't just jump into it.

Also thanks to my major's school most of my required classes are only offered once a semester or even once a year and two of my most important ones conflict with my other classes. One is for my minor the other is going to help me get a great job. Sure I could drop American Sign Language I finished my required foreign language credits. But in just one year I have learned enough ASL to take the orders of Deaf customers at work and converse with them fairly well. I took three years of French and if some one ever tired to speak French to me I would have nothing to offer them but a blank stair.

So even if I am in college an extra year (which don't get me wrong will SUCK) I will have the leg up because I will have 3 years of ASL under my belt and their are almost as many Deaf people in the US as there are Hispanics. So while your searching for a job my language skill should make me look better then my peers.

I think I will sign off and maybe try to do something productive to end my day.

I am not realistic

I believe that all people are good even though countless people prove me wrong all the time. Point and case court didn't go how we planned today because she is "afraid for his life" and doesn't want him to get the deferment program she wants him to go to jail. I don't understand I fed her and gave her a place to live for eight months. Even though she didn't have a job to pay bills and she didn't clean up just made things messier. I wanted to kick her out but I kept thinking she would get a job or help out around the house. Boy was I wrong. If i had just kicked her out when I wanted to none of this would have happened. I was to nice. We were real friends to here and this is how she repays us. I want to do mean things to her. I can't wait until karma comes back at her three fold and I only wish I was there to see it. So many people have disappointed me this year....so many have showed me just how bad humans can be, and even with them shoving that reality in my face I still believe that good will triumph over evil and that magic is real. Love and good will always when over evil and darkness. at least in my world...

I am kind until you wrong me

and boy has that a-hole wronged me. My boyfriend stupid friend quilt tripped me into loaning him 110 dollars because he didn't have the money to buy his cats food (i am a sucker for animals) and they were going to shut off his electricity unless he paid right then. I am a nice person I couldn't say no and he promised to pay me back in a week when he got paid. I am an idiot. He still hasn't paid me back and its been three months!! Some day I will learn to stop lending money to people but I just can't watch others suffer when I have the means to end their pain. It is a character flaw on my part. Now my boyfriend is talking to him again and every time my boyfriend hangs out with him my bf asks me for money. I am not stupid. My bf knows I won't give his friend money ever again so he asks for himself becasue like me he is too kind hearted to tell a suffering person no. Here is my bitch move: I don't care if his cats are starving to death and he is living on the street he will never get money from me ever AGAIN!! He wronged me and lied to me so he lost the charity train they call Stevie. If that means I have to take my bf to the gas station and make sure all the money I give him goes to gas and cigarettes then so be it. That lying, stealing, manipulative, a-hole is not getting another penny of money I worked hard for. GAH I want to punch that stupid man. He is 50 years old he should know how to budget himself and live in his means!!!!! I have ignorant people!

midnight thoughts

Maybe my problem is that I ask to much out of people. I expect to much of them. I believe that all people are good until they prove me wrong. The sad thing is that most people prove me wrong. Most people aren't good, they will screw you over in a heartbeat. What is so wrong with people that they can't help each other but instead use other humans as the stepping stones to the top. The little person is so easily over looked by people trying to get to the top of the food chain. How can we belittle each other so easily. Our society is all about the individual not the whole. We care more about ourselves and making our own lives perfect no matter the cost that we forget to be kind to the people around us. Our whole society is cruel, we beat each other, we rape each other, we sacrifice each other all for own good or our own enjoyment. There are so few people out their who actully care about helping people, who legitimately care about the people of the world. There are some who donate their time and money for show and yes they help others but only to make themselves look good. That shouldn't even count. You should help people becasue you want to not becasue it makes you look good. There is no reason to benefit off the misfortunes of others. It is sick. It is disgusting that most people don't care about anything around them. Their is no I in team that is what is wrong with the world to day every one is worried about the I. Screw the I it will destroy us!! The team is what is important, the world is our team, every man, woman, child, animal, plant, and insect. If we don't care for each other then we will be our own destruction. The I will be the end of the world as we know it.

Now I remember

I am beginning to remember why I detest my boyfriend's friend so much. They have been on the outs these path to months because his friend owes me money and is really immature for a 5o year old. They recently made up because of the whole incident because my boyfriend needed at least one friend. I get that I am not some crazy girl who thinks my boyfriend should be up my butt 24/7 but they have been talking again for three days and for three days I have had to go to sleep alone because my boyfriend was there until super late. The first day I understand they were working out their problems and catching up but three days in a row is ridiculous. Especially since my boyfriend was "sick" and wanted to leave my parents house early (which was fine with me since I open at work tomorrow) and he was only going to stop by his friends house for a minute and now they are going somewhere and he won't be back for a couple hours. I envisioned a night of cuddling my sick boyfriend and going to bed maybe persuade him to have some fun but no here I am alone pissed as all get out, but if I say something then I am the bad guy who doesn't want him to see his friend. That isn't the case I would just like to see my boyfriend on occasion and I still don't see why he can't go over there when I am at work and meet me home when I am off. I really just want to punch his stupid friend. I am pretty sure he wants my bf all to himself and the asshole still owes me money. I really dislike that man and I want my boyfriend :(