I am not pacient

I just want to have my boyfriend back this waiting is driving me insanse. All I want to do is sleep until I can get him and who knows how long that will take. The said 6-8 hours and it has been 14 hours since I paid the bond. I wanted to talk to him before work. Hopefully he gets out before I go in. I just want a hug...and a kiss. I want to cry but I can't I am strong and I will be strong even though I am breaking on the inside. I don't know what do. I am afraid he will leave. I don't want that. I want to spend the rest of eternity in his arms. The dreams don't help, he is always there holding me with his strong hands. I want reality not some dream that kills me every time I wake up because it isn't true. I just want him home. Everyone may hate him or be mad at him or what ever but I am not. I just want to be there for him like he is for me. I want to be his rock. I want him to let me be that. Please let me be that. Please don't leave me. I am not afraid and for the first time in my life I have given someone my all. I want to be with him forever. My greatest fear has always been giving some one the power to break me....to utterly destroy me. He has that power now. I hope he doesn't cut away at my soul. I can't break I have always been strong I don't know how to be weak. Only he can do that to me. Please don't destroy. Please be rock, my one and only, my forever and always. I am in love with you. I have said those words to no other soul. You are mine and I want you to always be that for I will always be yours.

Trust

It usually takes me awhile to trust someone and that is obviously for a good reason. A month into the friend ship she was like your my best friend, I am going to make you the god mother of my children and I will be your maid of honor and visa versa. The whole time she was spilling her lies she was texting my boyfriend things you should never say to your so called bff's boyfriend. The only people I can trust are the ones who have always been there for me. They are the only ones who remain true. Screw new people I am keeping my old gold friends and saying farewell to the silver. I am tired of being so nice to people who fuck me over.

Lost, Broken, Confused

I don't know what to do. I don't know who is telling the truth and who isn't. I asked for a sign from the goddess and I got one, I just hope he takes the second chance and we can work this out. If not then it will suck but I will get over it. I hope it doesn't come to that. I love him but I also realize that sometimes love isn't enough. I hope this isn't one of those times but if it is I will be ok. I am a strong person and I have my friend to support me. Second chance is it I hope it works. I will use my sign from above to keep me together.

This shit has hit the fan

People annoy me. They think I should be upset or mad but there wasn't anything any one could do. Now they are all worried about me and shit but they don't know him at all. Yeah he fucked up but no one knows how to handle him they all want to push and push but you have to back up and wait until he comes to you. All these people are going to piss me off I just want them to all go away. I hate when people worry about me I am fine and if I wasn't I would leave him. He doesn't hurt me yeah we fight but it is never violent. Eventually we talk things over it just takes time. I am not one of those pathetic girls who stays with someone who hurts them and I am tired of people thinking that. If he hit me I would leave end of story...well i might taze him first but I wouldn't be with him. No one gets that. I am not weak and my emotions don't rule me. If I had been there this wouldn't have happened I have been with him long enough to know how to handle his tantrums. I can hear them whispering about me right now and I want to kick them all out and have some quite. I AM FINE STOP TRYING TO BABY ME!!!!

Love is nothing but a word

I don't understand how someone can claim to love them and then completely alienate them when they need them most. They have been together a little over a year and yet I am the one who is comforting her and trying to cheer her up. I am her rock right now. Though I will always be the one who holds her up it shouldn't be my burden to bear becasue she has someone who supposedly loves her and wants to marry her. I can only do so much to help her with out the help of her one and only. I just can't comprehend how he can say he loves her and then tell her he isn't sure if he will ever be able to hug or kiss her again. They are in this together, forever. Neither one did anything wrong. They were nothing but faithful and now he is pulling away from her in everything but title. You can't remain someones one and only and never touch them or have meaningful conversations. Lovers do not live together as strangers. I want to help her but there is nothing I can do while he refuses to face the problem. There are more ways to leave someone then actually leaving. Not touching them, or talking to them.
"I knew how weak you could grow from lack of attention, until you began to look at strangers while the person who was supposed to love you neglected you. Humans saw it as a weakness on the part of the cheater, but I knew through my first fiance that a person can leave a relationship in more ways then just walking away. You can leave your partner so bereft of attention that it's like not being in love at all"- Laurell K. Hamilton in Divine Misdemeanors

Introduction

This blog is my escape from the journalistic, fact based word I have submersed my self in. This blog will be comprised of my thoughts, feelings, and emotions. The who, what, when, where, and how of my life. Though I am trained to write as a journalist this blog will not be that way.
Welcome to my world. Sometimes it is dark and scary. Sometimes it is full of love and light. No matter what it is always here.
Blessed Be